tender mercies

Today I am worried about...

the "severe" state of my colon

prednisone: those little white pills make me a psycho insomniac

remicade: affording the "miracle" drug

the fragility of our little church plant

BUT, today I am thankful for...

friends who run my errands for me so I can stay home and rest

phone calls from friends & family

email offers to help

facebook encouragement

pickles, olives, chips (hello, pregnancy cravings)

pastor of our previous church who dropped off a plant, trader joe's gift card, and card signed by all the pastors who know we're going through some tough times 

A friend listened to the Spirit and sent me this verse, set in the following context: After a night of fishing with nothing to show for it, a bunch of guys sat around in the morning, listening to Jesus teach. Later that day, Jesus encouraged the fishermen to return to the water and let down their nets again. Simon Peter says to his teacher, "Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets." And then, well, that verse above happens. But the disciples leave it all--they walk away from the biggest catch of their lives--to follow the mysterious, beautiful, miraculous rabbi.

At first read, I was like, "Ok, God, what do you want to teach me from this verse?" And this is what I wrote/heard:

God, we are so weary. We've labored so long and so hard but our nets keep coming up empty. Ministry is hard. This health situation is really hard. But I feel like you're telling me that all I need is to continue in obedience, even though it is sometimes with questioning, like Simon Peter. Really, God, put down our nets again?

When we feel like quitting, it is because we are looking for "success" according to some self-imposed measure. We must continue to let down our nets, regardless of the out come.

I heard God say to me, "Are you willing to give it all up (success, health, self-imposed measures, thriving ministry, ideal outcomes)--like the disciples who walked away from the biggest catch of their lives--in order to follow me?"

My answer. "Yes, Lord. Yes."

Then, more from the Lord: "A time is coming when your nets are going to be filled. But that in and of itself won't be nearly so attractive and marvelous as me. When your success is found in Christ and Christ alone, that is where you find true beauty."

So, even in my weakness, my worry, my weariness, 

I'm going to keep putting down my net.