Tuesday, June 27, 2006

out of the closet

Well, I made it past 11 weeks without telling the whole world. I came out at work today, after weeks of holding it in! Everyone was so happy and excited, and it was nice to share the news.

Already they're planning my Latina Mama baby shower...I'm hoping they forgo the cerveza and sexy Latino stripper, as I've heard of both elements being included in previous parties.

It's a relief to be out in the open...now I don't have to hold in my belly every time I'm walking past the veteran mamas (who had their suspicions well before this morning). I don't have to make lame excuses for being sick, cranky, rude, or frequenting the bathroom. And I'll finally get some much-deserved pregnancy sympathy. Ahhh.

Our next ultrasound is a week from today. We should be able to hear the baby's heartbeat. :)

On another note, my mom and I just returned from a whirlwind weekend in Chicago, where I was speaking at a conference. We had a great time, but unfortunately I came down with a cold shortly before leaving. It made for rough nights of sleep in a foreign bed. But we saw a lot of the city including the L, the Magnificent Mile, Milennium Park, Lake Michigan, Wrigleyville, the Theater District (where we watched Wicked--awesome), Lincoln Park...and all in just four days! No wonder we're so exhausted.

Hubby and I also planned a last-minute trip to Hawaii in a few weeks...a babymoon! We really need the time away together, and where else to go but tropical paradise? We leave a week from Friday, and I can hardly wait!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

9 weeks 1 day

I've managed to make it into week 9 of the 40 week sojourn. Things seem to be a little bit better. I still get nauseous, though not as frequently and not as severely. I can manage the queasiness best with ongoing snacking. That, and Ben's grandma provided some preggie pops which seem to help when driving and feeling yucky.

I tried on some maternity jeans this weekend. Crazy. Obviously, I basically have no belly. But there is something a little poochy there (not as in a small pink dog, Poochie, but as in sticking out somewhat). And the pants that fit 3 weeks ago...yeah, feeling a little snug by the end of the day. Maybe it's just the extra gas that tends to build up by 6pm. By 10pm I can look really pregnant.

I'm excited to share the news, but I'm waiting until week 12. My doctor says that it doesn't get any safer than this, having seen the peanut with normal growth and a strong heartbeat. But it's kind of still our little secret, our little surprise. I walk around each day smiling inside, knowing something everybody else doesn't (other than friends and family and faithful blog readers, who have known from the get-go).

I find myself marveling over every little detail I read in my pregnancy books. My little one has arms and legs and fingers and toes and tooth buds even! Everything the baby needs to function outside of its warm and cozy cocoon is already present. Arms and legs are moving, but I can't feel a thing. It's so incredibly marvelous. I think this is a tiny little taste of what God feels when he looks down at his creation--the sense of wonder, of awe, seeing each little detail unravel like a flower opening toward the sun.

This morning I was going for a swim, loving the warmth and buoyancy of the pool, thinking about my little one swimming and floating in the lovely pool inside my womb. How nice it must be to be surrounded by warm liquid, floating, sounds muffled, the world outside a quiet mystery.

Sigh. This is as wonderful as I expected it to be.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

with any luck, peanut will resemble these beauties

It's plain to see that my brother and sister-in-law have given us some tough competition in the cute children category.

we have a go

Had our 8-week ultrasound yesterday. It was incredible. I had my fears going in, but once that picture came up on the screen, it was instant relief.

A baby. A hearbeat. Life.

It's been pretty real to me for the last 6 weeks, but for Ben to see that little peanut on the screen, it was like insta-wuv. He must have mentioned to me 3 or 4 times last night, "I just keep seeing our little baby with its beating heart!"

Yes, we are officially twitter-pated with the little one.

God is so good.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

writer's blog

It's happened. My original goals of updating my blog frequently have turned into infrequent entries. I read other blogs every day. Other people are coming up with very interesting, comical, touching, and insightful things to say on a daily basis. I am not one of those people.

On the baby front...I'm almost to week 8. We have our first ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm so excited to see the little peanut(s) and hear the heartbeat. It seemed like *forever* when I scheduled it 4 weeks ago. But the time has managed to pass. I think seeing the little one in person will make this whole pregnancy thing pretty darn real.

Then the other part of me is totally worried that there will be nothing...this will be fake. I understand this is totally illogical, but many other women have blogged about the same fear. The fear of losing something that I'm already so attached to, have so many plans for, and think about multiple times a day.

So I'm praying for a strong heartbeat and a clear shot of the one-inch wonder. Then I have a picture, an image to hold in my heart and mind, rather than sketches of random fetuses from my baby books.

And in other news, my job is kicking my booty. I'm tired, nauseous, frustrated, unhappy, and altogether done with the environment. I don't know how all the other normal pregnant women out there make it through 40+ hours a week on the job. I can barely make it through the day. I haven't really used my sick time yet, but I foresee it in the near future. I wish I could cut back on my hours, but it's not really a possibility as of yet. We'll see.

It's funny how when you get to the point where family is actually a reality, where the little bean of a human is growing inside of you, you're just ready to up and leave life as you know it, ready to settle down, cook meals, water the herbs and just be home. *Sigh.* Only 32 weeks to go.