Saturday, June 03, 2006

writer's blog

It's happened. My original goals of updating my blog frequently have turned into infrequent entries. I read other blogs every day. Other people are coming up with very interesting, comical, touching, and insightful things to say on a daily basis. I am not one of those people.

On the baby front...I'm almost to week 8. We have our first ultrasound on Tuesday. I'm so excited to see the little peanut(s) and hear the heartbeat. It seemed like *forever* when I scheduled it 4 weeks ago. But the time has managed to pass. I think seeing the little one in person will make this whole pregnancy thing pretty darn real.

Then the other part of me is totally worried that there will be nothing...this will be fake. I understand this is totally illogical, but many other women have blogged about the same fear. The fear of losing something that I'm already so attached to, have so many plans for, and think about multiple times a day.

So I'm praying for a strong heartbeat and a clear shot of the one-inch wonder. Then I have a picture, an image to hold in my heart and mind, rather than sketches of random fetuses from my baby books.

And in other news, my job is kicking my booty. I'm tired, nauseous, frustrated, unhappy, and altogether done with the environment. I don't know how all the other normal pregnant women out there make it through 40+ hours a week on the job. I can barely make it through the day. I haven't really used my sick time yet, but I foresee it in the near future. I wish I could cut back on my hours, but it's not really a possibility as of yet. We'll see.

It's funny how when you get to the point where family is actually a reality, where the little bean of a human is growing inside of you, you're just ready to up and leave life as you know it, ready to settle down, cook meals, water the herbs and just be home. *Sigh.* Only 32 weeks to go.

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