Wednesday, October 11, 2006

when did i become such a naughty blogger?

I think about this blog all the time. I read blogs every day. But I can't seem to bring myself to my own blog to type anything worthwhile.

My life has been a little crazy lately. I think I have a mild case of compassion fatigue, or the exhaustion that comes from caring for others all the time. I mean, caring is my job, it's what I do. It's what I enjoy, for the most part. But it can get overwhelming.

I thought I would break down this past weekend, when it felt as if everything had bubbled to the surface: mom's cancer and treatment options, taking my licensure exam, opening new cases, leading a support group at church...the list went on and on. I found myself actually dreading the thought of listening to one more person's sad story and providing compassion. I'm so ashamed to admit that, but there you have it.

That was Sunday. Today is Wednesday and I'm feeling a lot better. I purposefully kept my schedule light this week so as to avoid overwhelming myself with client stories. I've scheduled in time to study for my exam (long story---rescheduled for next week). I'm not feeling so fatigued and I think I've been a pretty good counselor to a handful of kids this week.

Pregnancy is hard work; don't let anyone tell you any different. I think that the emotions of pregnancy coupled with the month I've had led to the feelings of exhaustion described above. But more than hard work, pregnancy is a constant source of joy. This little bean, who moves all the time, never ceases to make me smile and even laugh out loud. I wonder what she's doing in there when I feel multiple taps to the left, or a lot of firm stretching in the front. The last few weeks she's been kicking me hard, multiple times in a row, so others have been able to experience her movement. This morning she was moving slowly, rubbing some little body part against my hand which was pressed against the upper part of my belly.

This morning I told my hubby that I hope it's not vain to be so in love with my belly. I don't even think of it as me any more, but rubbing, touching, talking, cuddling, cupping the belly are all ways of connecting with and showing affection to the little one within. It is so blessed. I am so blessed.