Thursday, July 11, 2013

Sam: Months 51 & 52

Disclaimer: Well, another month, another apology. I haven't blogged for two months! The whole third child thing has really put me over the edge. Every morning I have a short list of things I hope to accomplish that day, everything from take a shower to catch up on the laundry. By the end of each day, I've checked off maybe a third of my list. It's frustrating. And the blog is always last on the list. So forgive me, dear readers, for my absence. I can't say things are going to improve much in the next few months, but hopefully I'll be back in action just as soon as I can catch up on some darn housework. Oh, and take a shower.

Dear Sam,

Wow, what a full couple of months! It's been a bunch of transitions: new baby, no school, new routine, no routine, vacation, home, grandparents', home. You've definitely had the most difficult time adjusting, and I'm sorry it's been so hard on you. My usual happy-go-lucky guy, you have been difficult, sullen, naughty, and needy. Not all the time, but enough of the time that my heart hurts for you and by the end of most days I'm exhausted from all the disciplining.

Last night, after a particularly hard couple of days, you told Daddy that we should change your name to Jason or Judas. I think you are really struggling with your identity and trying to make sense of who you are, a sweet, loving, generous boy, or a naughty boy who disobeys. No matter how many times we reinforce your belovedness, your worth and value, I am realizing that this is a battle you will have to work out somehow. I can't make it any easier. My job is to continue to speak the truth of who you are and discipline out who you aren't. And it is SO hard, for all of us.

In the meantime, we pray for your heart. We pray for your spirit. We pray for the fires to refine the true Sam and burn away the false. We celebrate the good days and move past the bad. I'm so thankful that we have a Creator, a good Father in heaven, who promises never to leave. He is walking alongside you through all of this. He has a plan and purpose for your life, greater than these rough moments, borne out of the flames of trial. I've seen it before. I can trust it will happen again.

On a good day, you are as sweet as pie. I ask you to do something and you respond, "Suuuure, Mama!!" in the cutest sing-song voice. All on your own, you started clearing your plate from dinner, without being asked. THAT was a happy day!

You are obsessed with parties and invitations. You love to print out your name and copy "PARTY" onto ten little envelopes and "mail them to your friends. Every day for a month you wanted to throw a pool party. You finally got your wish on my birthday, and it was a fabulous day indeed. :)

In Oregon, on vacation, it was so fun to watch you: wrestle Uncle Joe, throw big rocks in the river, catch a rainbow trout on a fly rod, eat two s'mores faster than a speeding bullet, play with your cousins, and make everybody laugh. You are funny without even trying.

You love to draw, color, and create elaborate booby traps. You are an incredible, thoughtful, diligent artist. You are trying more and more to write letters and words with my help. You are full of energy, full of life, and full of laughter. I love you, my sweet, spunky, silly boy.



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