Sam: 58 Months

Dear SamGino,

The only way to describe the love between us these days is like the force of a strong magnet: when turned the right way, we attract and cling together with ferocity and devotion; but when turned the wrong way, we repel each other with matching ferocity and frustration. It's maddening, this love and this season. 

When you are sweet, the whole room is lit up with your smile. Your words flow out like a soothing stream and coat those around you with kindness. I've seen you reach out to your sister in her distress with such generosity of spirit that it instantly soothes her spirit.

When you are snuggly, there is no warmth like the coziness of your sinewy little body. Pure muscle, you melt like butter into the arms of someone you adore. You love to have your back scratched, your limbs massaged, your hair tousled. 

Your mind is amazingly creative and you can spend endless hours making the most incredible things out of legos. You have started looking up things on youtube and creating them with laser focus and quick-moving fingers, finding the right pieces faster than I can even register their shape.

Yet, when you are mad, it's as if the room stands still. You erupt like a volcano, spewing words of hateful lava in a destructive path around you. The angry words that come out surprise and shock me.

When you don't get your way, you reject any form of consolation and storm off, slamming doors, throwing toys, destroying order and wielding chaos like a weapon of war.

A project gone wrong is a project waiting to be stomped on, ripped apart, thrown across the room, often accompanied by frustrated tears.

For the first three and a half years of your life, you were a sweet and easygoing little guy. These days you are still sweet as can be, yet with a whole other side that comes out like a dragon unleashed. I pray for the wisdom to parent you well without being overwhelmed in the intense moments. I encourage you to make mistakes, to try and fail, to reach out with no assurance of reciprocity, and stand back a few paces to see how things unfold.

I wouldn't have it any other way. This is how God has made you, and he knew what he was doing when he made me your Mama. I wish at times I could soothe you more easily, such as when you were a baby with a boo-boo that I could gently kiss away. But the reassurance is more nuanced now, and my words and affection can only do so much in your burgeoning independence.

I love you, my sweet and ferocious boy. I'm so thankful for how you continue to amaze me and stretch me simultaneously. 

Love,

Mama