six weeks and counting...

So, my friends warned me about week 6, about the pregnancy symptoms really kicking in. And now here I am, nauseous. As I told my husband a few days ago, "Yes, morning sickness is a misnomer. It's more like all day sickness." I'd read it, and it's true.

The hard part is, I love food. I always have. But first thing in the morning, when I wake up, the thought of even my most favorite food makes me want to hurl. Nothing sounds good. I evenutally eat something, because I'm hungry and my body needs the nutrients, and then it's okay, but it's definitely not fun. Repeat above at lunch and again at dinner.

And, the weirdest things are sounding good to me. Last night I ate a bean burrito from Taco Bell for dinner and then had a huge bowl of fruit around 9pm.

I've tried saltines, but they don't really work. I'm going to try taking my prenatal with a large glass of water before bed, in case that's contributing to the sickness.

But the symptoms remind me there is an amazing, creative process taking place within me. Millions of cells are being produced as I write this blog entry.

you can fly, you can fly, you can fly!

My pregnancy so far:

• hungry all the time
• thirsty
• peeing constantly (is it pregnancy or the fact I'm drowning myself in water?)
• sore breasts
• gassy (even worse than before)
• exhausted (3 o'clock nap, anyone?)
• restless at night

We couldn't be happier. Like a character in Peter Pan, this pregnancy is my happy thought. Happy to finally be pregnant (after 15 months of trying). Happy to think of starting our lives as parents. Happy to know an end to work stress is in sight. Happy to daydream about what this little sweet pea will look like. Happy to know that my hubby will be a daddy. Happy to give his parents their first grandchild. Happy to give my parents another one to lavish with love.

God is so good. His timing didn't make sense to me, but now that we are pregnant, I couldn't be happier (see paragraph above). By the time we got pregnant, I was fully reliant on Him. Fully trusting that his will and his way would be done in my life, regardless of what I do or who I am. And now, as I look into the future, I can only put my trust in Him, the giver of life. He knows what I need. He knows my heart's desire. He is big enough to handle any fears or concerns or worries.

I don't know if I would have made it to a place of reliance and trust if we had become pregnant right away. I might be freaking out about miscarriage right now. Instead, anytime I start to worry, I put my trust in Him. I can rely on Him and Him alone for fruit in my life. And just be happy.

wait on the Lord, and He shall renew thy strength

This has been my breath prayer for the two week wait. Breathe in...wait on the Lord...breathe out...and He shall renew thy strength. It has been so calming, so wonderfully peaceful.

I woke up early Monday morning (2:30am) with awful cramps. Crap. I knew I would start my period that day. But I was at peace. I trusted God with the outcome, and for once, believed that eventually we would get pregnant, if not this month.

But my period didn't come.

Early Tuesday morning I couldn't sleep either, so I got up to take a test around 5:45am. I sat on the toilet and counted to 121 to avoid looking at the test while I waited the two long minutes. Wait on the Lord...and he shall renew thy strength.

Positive. POSITIVE! I could hardly get off the toilet fast enough. I ran into where Ben lay praying in bed, jumped almost on top of him, saying "turn on the light! turn on the light! it's positive! positive!"

Needless to say, he was very happy.

Bloodwork came back today. Things look good. Fifteen months later, a long two week wait, and now the 40 weeks begins. :) Praise be to God, who makes all things new.

I'll take honey over vinegar any day

I spent my day yesterday intervening in a DV crisis involving two of my students. Yuck.

But there was one good thing about the situation--an encounter with a really good cop.

The school resource officers I've worked with in the past leave something (tact, professionalism, empathy) to be desired. They barge in our office like they own the place, harumphing their way around, making us feel incompetent and violated. I heard from a student about how they harshly questioned her after a violent rape, and it made me furious.

When I first called in the campus police to file a report, the two guys described above (harumphers) barged in, and although they lowered their usually loud and authoritative voices slightly, I heard them ask my student in an accusatory way, "so did you ever abuse or hurt him? was it mutually abusive?" Like it makes a difference. They might as well have said "Oh! So you pushed him off you, and dug your nails in his arms while he was choking you? Oh, well that explains it! You totally deserved it, worthless human being."

So when they got called out to another emergency, and the new cop came along, I was very glad. First of all, he stood quietly and unassumingly in the front lobby, asked if he could come in (versus barging in and acting the fool), and very gently and compassionately approached the student. Just his presence in the room felt like a breath of fresh air, rather than the feeling imparted by the other guys, as if the four walls would come crashing in at any moment.

The rest isn't as important. What matters is that he was different. Better. Empathic and encouraging and non-blaming.

I saw him today on campus and after following up on the case I told him how much I appreciated him. I told him that his actions with the student were amazingly professional and caring. Being the humble guy that he is, he just thanked me and shrugged his shoulders, saying "I've just found that honey works better than vinegar."

He couldn't have said it any better. If officers #1 and #2 were vinegar, he was pure, sweet honey.